we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
