I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
