I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
