so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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