whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
