ugly people sure do ruin things
In America we eat man semen.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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