I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
