yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
