is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
