just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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