Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
she peed on how many people?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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