I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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