I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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