i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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