This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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