On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
