So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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