ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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