he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
