The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
