was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
