I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
