Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
