I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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