I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
