I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
