normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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