Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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