there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
foreskin is a definite game changer
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
