I swear she didn't look like that last week.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
