there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
