Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
so much tequila, so little girl.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
