Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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