He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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