Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
