I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
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