i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
