I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
So much Jack, so little girl.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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