smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
