you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You've changed since you got that strap on
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
