"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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