The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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