we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Liz is crying about burritos again.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
