he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize