He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
