my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
ttyl tear gas
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
