Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize