Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
