he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
