a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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