Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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