Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
