So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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