Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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