pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Found the puke drawer
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
