Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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