Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
