Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
