someone get that fucking seahorse.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
