the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
