it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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