i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
