Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
