I met the friendliest cop last night
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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