Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
