So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
