he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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