Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
