I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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