Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
